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Sex is an important part of married life. A lot of people have their own theories on intimacy after marriage and healthy sex life. For example, couples often wonder if they’re having “enough” sex. So how often do married couples have sex? It’s a simple question and its interesting to compare yourself with the normal. The answer, however, can take a little more effort.

What Do Studies Say About Married Couples And Sex?

How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex

Therapists and studies undertaken in this direction do not have a clear, unanimously acceptable answer. Couples could be going at it like rabbits, weekly, or once a month; and it’s all an acceptable number. Most doctors see problems when the number drops to less than 10 times a year. That’s when therapists start considering the possibility of a sexless marriage.

Several factors have an impact on the number of times a couple has sex. Age is an obvious factor. Couples in their 20s are likely to be more sexually active than couples in their 40s. Similarly, newlyweds are likely to be having a lot more sex.

So What Is A Good Frequency For A Healthy Sexual Life?

A study on sexual frequency and well-being suggests that having sex once a week can be a positive reinforcement to the well-being and intimacy of a couple. There is no problem having sex a few times a week.

However, according to the study, the benefits max out at having sex at least once a week. Couples having more sex did not report any greater increase in their happiness, while those with a lower frequency report some sense of feeling unfulfilled.

Another study published in 2017 found that the average American adult has sex about 54 times a year. Now that’s a nice number, that on an average, fits into the previously mentioned study’s recommendation of having sex at least once a week. However, the study also found that Americans are having less sex compared to the late ‘90s and early 2000s, with millennials being less sexually active than the previous generations.

The decline is believed to be a result of an increase in the number of people without a steady partner or spouse. The second factor is a decreased frequency of sex in married couples.

Hitting The Right Notes Of Sexual Frequency

Is Our Sex Life As A Couple Normal?

It is only natural that sometimes you may wonder if your sex life is normal. Maybe you think you’re having too much, or not enough, sex. A “normal” sex life for a couple is one where both partners feel satisfied and fulfilled. As long as both of you have a sense of happiness in your sex life, you could consider it to be normal.

Communication is key, and it is important to know that you and your partner are on the same page. Don’t decide for your partner, talk, and come to an understanding where you’re both happy.

Sexual Intimacy And Frequency Are Important

Sex is important, and that’s not simply because it is pleasurable. For a couple, sex is an expression of intimacy, trust, sharing, and a whole lot more. Simply having sex for the sake of getting it out of the way is not a fulfilling approach. Having sex regularly and with some spontaneity is an important expression of intimacy.

Sexual intimacy does not have to be limited to intercourse or penis-in-vagina sex. You can both enjoy oral stimulation like kissing, oral sex, physical intimacy, talking dirty, or sexual fantasy. Even cuddling counts! Rather than making sex a chore that you do once a month, see it as something that is enjoyable and worth looking forward to.

Having More Sexy Times — How Married Couples Can Have Sex More Often

How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex

Make An Effort To Do It At Least Once A Week

As studies show, having sex at least once a week seems to be a pretty good way for a couple to have a fulfilling sex life. Make an effort in that direction to ensure you’ve got it right. Encourage, but do not force yourselves. Keep things spontaneous, and do not approach it as a quota you have to fill!

If you’re way out of groove, it is okay to schedule sex. Couples lead busy lives, and between jobs, children, household chores, and other necessities, you may not always have time or the mood. But, it is important to maintain a handle on things and keep the spark alive. So yeah, schedule sex if you must, but your goal is to make sex a spontaneous activity.

Initiate Sex

Either of you should be able to, and confident about initiating sex. If you’re the one often initiating sex, encourage your partner to take the wheel. If your partner’s the one usually initiating sex, make an effort and participate.

Don’t consider it a trivial point or a non-issue. Being a couple is an equal-stakes partnership. While it may be fun to play submissive or the dom woman, having one partner carry the weight of initiating sex may start feeling irksome down the line. You can make some effort to spice up your sex life to help things along.

Get Your Sex Drive Going

For sex to be fun, both of you have to want it. Those who already have a good and healthy sex life should make an effort to keep it going. Couples who need to improve their sex life, ought to put in more effort.

It is possible that your sex drives or libido don’t match. She may initiate sex and he may not want it, or vice versa. If you see this happening too often, it is time to meet in the middle and ensure you continue enjoying a good sex life. It is pretty normal for one partner to like sex more than the other, so the goal is to find common ground.

Make intimacy a part of your daily life. Don’t skimp out on hugs and kisses. Cuddle in bed. The continued sense of intimacy will give your libido as well as sex life a boost.

Exercising not only helps you stay fit, it also helps your sex drive. Men especially may see a testosterone boost with exercising. Another thing you can do for a better sex drive is to banish distractions. Keep phones, laptops, or TV away before you both head to bed.


There isn’t a straight number to answer how often do married couples have sex. However, many therapists recommend that a couple should have sex at least once a week. Couples who have sex at least weekly tend to feel happier and more fulfilled. You should make an effort to keep sexual intimacy and warmth alive in your relationship, and a good sex frequency surely does help the intimacy and desire of a relationship.

Emma Bennet
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