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(Last Updated On: June 22, 2023)

Dominant Woman — How To Dominate In Your BedroomGenerally, women are seen as being submissive in bed. However, there is no reason for staying stuck in the submissive position. Changing roles from being submissive to dominant, is a great way to spice up your sex life. In the same vein, if you are the dominant woman in bed, you should sometimes encourage him to take the reins and try some kinky sex positions with the dominant male. Here are some tips and tricks to help you along the way as you learn how to be more dominant in bed.

Becoming A Dominant Woman Is A Process

Going from submissive to dom woman is not a switch you flick. Give it some time as you work your way. Once you are comfortable with both roles (dominant and submissive), you will be able to “switch” from one role to the other with relative ease, but until then, go easy.

When wondering how to be dominant in the bedroom, most women make the mistake of thinking they need to make massive and drastic changes. Suddenly getting aggressive and assertive might end up freaking him out. Start small, and maybe hold off on breaking out the handcuffs and props just yet.

Take Initiative As The Dominant Woman

A simple way to have dominant sex is to initiate it. Take charge. Kiss your partner when he least expects it. Flirt, and drop hints of what you plan to do. Hold his hand and take him to the bedroom and initiate sex or oral sex. The dom woman is confident about what she wants and is direct in her demands. It’s a great thing to do in the moment and does not require any planning to execute.

Talk To Your Partner

Communicating is an essential part of any relationship, including the times where you take on the role of a dominant woman. Let your partner know you want to try something new. Tell him you will take control of the bedroom, and you expect him to comply. If you are already in the bedroom, this would be a great time to direct him to go down on you. As he starts, use your hands to guide him to exactly where you want him to focus.

Most men would be delighted at the prospect. If things are smooth and you are dominant in the bedroom, this would also be a great time to have a conversation about boundaries and consent, so neither of you gets carried away while playing the dominant partner.

In case your partner does not agree or tries to throw up serious barriers to stop you from taking control, sit him down and have a frank conversation about what you want. Your learning how to be dominant does not have to be a tug of war for power in the relationship, and your partner should understand that.

Use Authoritative Language And Give Them Commands

Don’t just think of dominating physically, but do it verbally as well. Convey your wishes in a clear, firm language. You do not need to be apologetic or give explanations. If you are only starting to learn how to dominate a man, it would perhaps be useful to first practice in front of a mirror when alone, so you can be direct and authoritative later.

Once you’ve got the authoritative language in control, play the role of a dominant woman and give your partner clear commands. For example, you can “command” your partner to take off his clothes, or to perform oral sex on you. You can also lay down rules for what he can, or cannot do. For example, forbid him from touching you during the act.

If your partner tries to assert control, tell them with authority that you are in charge and they should follow your directions.

The Dominant Woman Can Punish

As the dominant female, you have the right to dole out punishment if your partner does not obey your orders. The punishment can be anything you find suitable, but it must display your authority and be within the boundaries and conditions you’ve discussed with your partner. An example of this would be to go reverse of strip poker and start putting on clothes for every act of defiance. Or, you could move your body away from them. Be creative and assertive. The punishment should encourage obedience and be playful (within the means of a dom woman).

Sex Positions That Put The Dominant Woman In Control

A simple route to being a woman dominant on the bed is to take a sex position that puts you in control. You control the pacing, thrusting, and movement. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to do feats of strength. You could simply choose a position like cowgirl or reverse cowgirl to take more control. If you are both comfortable, you can give the Amazon Sex Position a try.

Speaking of sex positions, you can also straddle his head between your thighs while he lies on the bed. It’s a power position for the woman, but be careful not to smother him. Do not put weight on his face, and give him enough room to breathe as he performs cunnilingus and recognizes the authority of the dom woman.

Dress The Part

Dominant Woman - how to be dominant

You’ve seen how a dom woman or dominatrix dresses — there’s plenty of images and media all around. You can pick up a nice and sexy dress to play the role of the dominant woman. Knowing your partner’s preference in dressing can be a huge plus. You can work off your partner’s fantasies to set the mood and use the right outfit.

If you’re not sure what to wear, but can be authoritative and confident, just wear your birthday suit. Being naked doesn’t mean you let your partner touch you or go straight to sex. You’ve still got the role of the dom woman. Make him work for it!

Know Your Preference As A Dominant Woman

Domination does not necessarily have to include props like handcuffs, whips, or tying your partner down. Most people are perfectly satisfied with simple play and dominant sexual positions. That is a separate, though conjoined realm of BDSM. You could know all about how to be a dominant female without ever going into the domain of BDSM. Here’s a quick primer on some popular domination methods that are used.


As the name implies, Bondage is all about physically restraining your partner. You could accomplish this by tying your partner or using another method to limit their movement. It can be as simple as tying his hands, and as complex as utilizing customized bondage gear to serve your needs.


A Dominatrix must ensure she always has control. Should your man break your rules, you will have to “discipline” or punish him. Discipline as an act is based more on punishment, and can be psychological or physical. You could use your hands or even props like paddles and whips for punishment.


Sadism is different than the previously mentioned preferences, in that it derives sexual pleasure from the act of inflicting pain on your partner. It may seem similar to the “Discipline” aspect above, but that one is far more mild as compared to sadism.

How To Be A Dominant Woman — Conclusion

If you have not tried to dominate in your sexual relationship, it is time to give it a try. Learning how to be a dominant woman requires some work, and understanding between you and your partner. It’s a process that takes some time as you learn and experience, gaining confidence and knowledge. A dominatrix is more than commanding, she is sensual and sexy. Play your part well and enjoy the fruits of a spicy sex life.

Emma Bennet
About Emma Bennet

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